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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606704">Hakuna Matata</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon'>AnnaOnTheMoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Gen, The Lion King - Freeform, crackfic, silliness, voldy is a squib</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:48:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crackfic....Hermione accidentally invokes an ancient Swahili spell that cures the world of all darkness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hakuna Matata</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acantha_Rayne_OakMoon/gifts">Acantha_Rayne_OakMoon</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story came about because Acantha_Rayne_OakMoon posted on the Facebook group (Fairest of the Rare)  a ridiculous what if.  </p><p>Prompt: Hermione is sitting at the Gryffindor table after Christmas holidays in her fourth year, singing Hakuna Matata, unaware that 'hakuna matata' are the words to a spell she is repeatedly casting which is creating 'no worries' for the rest of everyone's lives... in essence, she's making Voldemort a squib.</p><p>I know fourth year was technically the Yule Ball, but we'll pretend it wasn't.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione Granger was eating her toast with Marmite when her father brandished three cinema tickets in front of her face, nearly dropping one in her cup of milky tea. </p><p>“I have our tickets for the Granger Family annual Boxing Day trip to the cinema! We’re going to see the latest Disney film.”  Hermione rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Dad, don’t you think I’m a little old for silly cartoons?”  Mr Granger shook his head making his floppy brown curls bounce. </p><p>“Not at all, my little pumpkin.”  Hermione made a face.  “Besides, Aunt Mary and Uncle Bert still take Ashforth.” </p><p>“<em>Dad</em>.  Ashforth is eleven.  I’m fifteen.” </p><p>“Just..humour your old man, alright?”  Hermione rolled her eyes once more.</p><p>“Fine. But this film better not have any witches or warlocks or sorcerers.  It’s really <em>not</em> funny.”  Mister Granger patted Hermione’s shoulder gently.</p><p>“I promise.  This one is about a lion in the jungle….that’s all I know.  Oh! And it’s a musical!” </p><p>“<em>Great</em>.” Hermione finished her tea and rose from the breakfast table.  “Can I be excused?”  Her father nodded.</p><p>“The film starts at two fifteen and it’s in Leicester Square.  Your mum thought you might like to have lunch at that pub on Charing Cross you liked so much before.” </p><p>“I’ll be ready.”</p><p>###</p><p>Hermione scrunched herself down in the cinema seat.  She was absolutely too old to go see a cartoon with her parents – what would Harry or Ron think if they knew?  She sighed as she looked around the cinema and she was by far the oldest child there with her parents. She grabbed a handful of popcorn when her mother passed her the carton and settled in as the logo for Disney appeared on the screen.</p><p>While she watched, she began to assign roles to the people she knew.  Harry, naturally, was Simba.  She quite fancied herself as Nala, and she thought the twins would do as Timon and Pumbaa. Dumbledore was, of course, Rafiki.  Every time Scar, the adult lion antagonizer, was on screen, she couldn’t help but think of her dour potions master, Professor Snape.  She especially thought Snape would make a good Scar after the scene where Scar all but called the Hyenas dunderheads.</p><p>She wrinkled her nose towards the end when Nala and Simba fell in love and decided she probably wasn’t Nala after all, as she definitely did <em>not</em> see Harry as a romantic interest, thank you very much. The film ended, and Hermione found herself humming the ridiculous songs on the tube ride home and she found herself singing “<em>The ciiiiiiircle of liiiiiife</em>” while she was in the shower the following morning, much to her chagrin. </p><p>Christmas break ended just in time as her father kept trying to pick up Crookshanks to hold him above his head like Rafiki did with Simba, and Crooks was having nothing to do  with it. </p><p>Hermione couldn’t keep the catchy Disney tunes out of her head and found herself humming and tapping out the catchy tunes and snorting quietly to herself as she pictured Harry jumping on the table in the Great Hall to sing “I Just Can’t Wait to be King” and she could picture Professor Snape knocking heads together telling the students to “Listen to teacher”.  So it really was no surprise to find Hermione one morning in February quietly singing “Hakuma Matata” to herself as she buttered her toast and reached for the jar of Marmite. </p><p>A gasp came from the head table and Professor Snape clutched at his arm. </p><p>“Severus?”  Minerva McGonagall reached over to the dour potions master and rested her hand on his shoulder.  “Are you alright?” </p><p>“I feel…”  he trailed off and shook his head.  Why was he suddenly feeling compelled to talk about his feelings?  He rubbed at his arm where the dark mark was…or at least, where it should have been.  “Please excuse me, Minerva.  Could you cancel my classes this morning? I need to….be somewhere.”  Snape rose from the staff table and strode out of a side door, his robes billowing out behind him as McGonagall was about to assure him she would see to his students. </p><p>Snape rushed through the halls until he reached his own quarters and he quickly removed his teaching robes and rolled up the left sleeve on his shirt.  His forearm was pristine, not even a scar marked where the mark had been.  Had the Dark Lord finally been killed?  After the Potter’s death and the first defeat of Voldemort, Snape’s mark had faded but never disappeared.  It had only begun to darken over the course of the year and he suspected it was because the man hadn’t actually perished with the Potters. Especially if what Lucius Malfoy had hinted about. </p><p>Snape grabbed a handful of floo powder and called “Malfoy Manor” into the flames and his call was quickly answered by a haggard looking Lucius.  A baby could be heard crying in the background and Snape was curious as he knew Narcissa hadn’t had another child. </p><p>“Oh, Severus.  How glad I am to see you, old friend.” </p><p>“Lucius.  I was wondering…”</p><p>“I don’t know what happened.  One minute, the  Dark Lord was speaking to us giving us instructions, and the next minute he was crying like a baby.  He <em>won’t</em> take the bottle of venom Wormtail milked from Nagini for him, and in fact, Nagini appears to have turned into a woman who has fled the manor.  Please, tell me you know what’s going on?”  Snape shook his head.</p><p>“No. I was calling to ask <em>you</em> if you knew what was going on. I will call you once I speak with the headmaster.”  Snape ended the floo call and sat back on his haunches in contemplation.  Was he <em>really</em> free from Voldemort once and for all?</p><p>“<em>It’s our problem freeeeeeee philosoph-eeeeeeee”</em> Ron and Harry arrived for Breakfast with Harry rubbing his forehead slightly as they heard Hermione singing.</p><p>“What are you singing, Hermione?”  Harry and Ron took seats on either side of her, Harry still rubbing at his forehead while Ron tucked in to a full English.  Hermione made a face as Ron shovelled in food.</p><p>“Nothing. Just a song from a silly Disney film my parents made me see over the hols.  It’s pretty catchy and I can’t get it out of my head.” </p><p>“Oh.”  Harry still hadn’t stopped rubbing his forehead. </p><p>“Harry?  Are you alright?  Is it…your scar?”  Harry shrugged and removed his hand.</p><p>“Just a headache.  I’m fine.”  Hermione gasped. </p><p>“Harry,”  Harry looked at his friend with puzzlement.  “Your scar…it’s…gone.”  Harry scrunched up his face.</p><p>“What do you mean,<em>gone</em>?”  Hermione began digging in her bag for the small hand mirror she had been carrying around since second year and she passed it to her friend. </p><p>“Look.”</p><p>“Holy sh-“</p><p>“<em>Language</em>, Mister Potter.”  Harry looked up into the eyes of the potions master who had just returned to the Great Hall in search of Dumbledore. </p><p>“Sorry Professor.  But…my…scar….” </p><p>“Hmm? What about it?  I see no difference.” </p><p>“That’s just it, Sir.  Harry’s scar is gone.”  Snape raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Interesting. Come with me, Potter.”  Snape reached for Harry’s arm and tugged him up from the bench.</p><p>“But, Sir.  My breakfast-“</p><p>“It. Can. Wait.”  Harry heaved a sigh and followed his professor up to the head table where Snape grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed aside his fringe.  “Headmaster.  Look at Potter.  His scar is gone.  My arm is bare.  <em>Something</em> has happened.”</p><p>“Do you know, my dear boy, I do believe you’re right.  Moaning Myrtle has finally shuffled off,  Remus Lupin reports that his Lycanthropy is gone, and Alastor has begged off classes for the day, claiming his leg and eye have mysteriously returned to him.” </p><p>“Lupin is no longer a werewolf?” Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled as he nodded. </p><p>“That’s impossible.  Belby and I have been working on a cure for ten years! We’re nowhere near fining a cure and Lupin knows this.”  Dumbledore held out his arms. </p><p>“Impossible, but it has happened. Something must have upset the balance between light and dark.” </p><p>“Was it ever balanced?”  Snape asked dryly. </p><p>“Quite.  Now then, Harry.  How do you feel?”  Harry shrugged.</p><p>“Fine.  Bit weird that it’s gone.”  Dumbledore conjured a small garden snake. </p><p>“Say something to the snake, please.”</p><p>“Hello.”  The snake continued to hiss.  “Was that in Parsel?”  Dumbledore shook his head.</p><p>“No, my dear boy.  It appears you are no longer a Parselmouth.” </p><p>“Oh.  Uhm.  Okay. Can I go finish breakfast now?” </p><p>“Yes, of course.  Severus, please let go of Harry.”  Snape grumbled, but he allowed Harry to return to his friends where he relayed the conversation. </p><p>“That’s impossible.  Nothing can just cure Lycanthropy or give back Professor Moody’s leg.” Harry shrugged. </p><p>“I’m just telling you what Professor Dumbledore said.” </p><p>“Right. I need to go to the library….” </p><p>###</p><p>Four hours later, Hermione was no closer to solving the mystery of how the balance between light and dark seemed to have tipped entirely to the light and removed every bit of dark magic out there.  She started reading a passage on African magics and gasped as she read the passage on spells in Swahili being very powerful and able to affect large areas – especially those of concentrated magic.</p><p>“<em>It means no worries, for the rest of your days,</em>” she whispered to herself.  Rising, she grabbed the large tome and hurried out of the Library and towards the headmaster’s office where she spent a good fifteen minutes speaking the names of obscure sweets until the door finally slid open when she said “Parma Violets”.  She rushed up the revolving stairs and burst into Dumbledore’s office, where the headmaster was discussing the situation with Professors Snape, Moody, and Lupin. </p><p>“Er….Sorry?”  She offered. Dumbledore’s eyes merely twinkled in her direction.</p><p>“Yes, Miss Granger?”  Hermione held out the book on African magic.</p><p>“I did it.”  She hung her head.</p><p>“Did what, exactly?”  Professor Snape sneered at her. </p><p>“I might have accidentally invoked an ancient Swahili spell that cured the world of all darkness.” </p><p>“Preposterous!” </p><p>“Severus, let her speak.  Miss Granger, what spell exactly was it?”  Hermione shifted her weight from one foot to the other.</p><p>“It wasn’t <em>exactly</em> a spell.  It was lyrics to a muggle song….I didn’t know it was a spell!”  Hermione’s voice got higher pitched the more she spoke and Snape wanted to assign her detention and get it over with.</p><p>“Foolish girl!”</p><p>“Severus, <em>enough</em>.”  Snape sat down and glared at both the headmaster and Hermione.  “What was this song?” Hermione flushed.</p><p>“Alright, you see, my parents like to take me to the cinema on Boxing Day every year.  We always see the latest cartoon and even though I’m fifteen, my parents insisted that I go with them and this year they promised the film woudn’t have any witches or warlocks or any kind of magic….”  Snape sneered.</p><p>“Would you just get on with it?”</p><p>“Sorry, Sir.  Ah, My parents took me to see The Lion King.  It’s a Disney film about a lion cub whose father is killed by his uncle and then he meets this warthog and a meercat and they…uhm….sing.” </p><p>“Sounds delightful!”  Dumbledore’s cheer covered Snape’s grumbles and Lupin tried to hide his smile. </p><p>“I take it, girlie, that this song contains the spell?”  Moody looked at her less intimidating than usual without his creepy glass eye.  She nodded.</p><p>“Yes, professor.” </p><p>“Well?”  Hermione sighed.</p><p>“Hakuna Matata. It’s Swahili.”</p><p>“I see. You know, African magic is very powerful.  In fact, we had a student oh, around ten years ago who was African and he came to use to learn how to control his magic.  Do you remember that, Severus?”  Snape nodded.</p><p>“I believe he became an Auror, did he not?” </p><p>“Indeed,”  Moody interjected. “One of my best men.”</p><p>“Now then, I suppose we had better contact him to find out the meaning of the spell.” </p><p>“They tell you in the song, Sir.”  The twinkle was back.  Hermione <em>really</em> hated that twinkle.  “The song says it means ‘no worries for the rest of your days’.” </p><p>“Well, there we have it.  Miss Granger has inadvertently invoked an ancient spell that has given us nothing to worry about.  It’s why you, Remus, are no longer a werewolf, why Severus is no longer a Death Eater, and why you have regained your lost limb and eye, Alastor. Miss Granger has simply sung away all our troubles.  I would imagine this includes Voldemort.”</p><p>“Indeed.  The Dark Lord is…a baby, if the cries I heard when I spoke with Lucious are any indication.” </p><p>“I see.  Well done, Miss Granger.  Well done.” </p><p>“Uh…thank you, Sir. I’ll just…go?”  Dumbledore nodded and Hermione left the round office, singing to herself “<em>Nants ingonyama, bakithi, baba, Sithi hi ‘ngonyama</em>…”  Behind her she could hear Professor Snape suddenly announce:</p><p>“We should put on a musical!” </p><p>###FIN###</p>
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